47th Birthday
May 31, 2021
Thank you for the birthday love this year! I felt like it was the best birthday ever. I work everyday to trust and surrender to a greater good to all this madness and each message, thought, gift, and hug held more meaning than it ever has. On the flip side, the day was a struggle for Brian and the kids. All the feels! Their wishes for me did not come true. The reality of no magic vaccine or birthday candles to cure me has set in for them.
My second shot three weeks ago sent me back to full covid symptoms. I spent four days in a haze visualizing the vaccine searching every nook and cranny of my body to find the remaining virus hiding and attacking me. Although it didn’t obliterate every symptom as we hoped, the worst of the slodgy haze lifted and I have been able to do things I only dreamed of for months: I got my hair done for the first time since October, got a pedicure with the girls (I couldn’t make it through the manicure), walked Doug on a trail by myself, and attended Elizabeth’s graduation (I couldn’t make it to dinner after). I am forever grateful to my brother and sister for staying with us through the rough days to get my family to the light on the other side.
As summer begins, I manage the duality of basking in the sunshine when feeling good, while fighting through when I don’t. The work so far combined with vaccine got me to base camp, but the summit is a long ways off. I met with the University of Chicago long covid group, an appointment I made back in February and never dreamed I would keep. I was referred to an amazing physical therapy rehab doctor who specializes in working with long haul patients, and also happens to be a Tinley Park HS grad. Her goal is to get me from functioning at 40% to someday 100%. She warned my overachieving self that I cannot will myself to be better, but I can work with professionals to help myself; the rest will just take time. I have to ration my energy everyday. Unfortunately, it does not increase on a linear path.
My summer will be spent continuing traditional and non-traditional approaches: speech therapy, physical therapy, chiropractor, meditation, healing massages, and acupuncture. I know success will be tampered by setbacks, but I have made it from stumbling baby steps to bigger, albeit off-balanced, strides because I am surrounded by people who share their prayers, positive vibes, patience, love, and support. My family continues to need each and every one of you; not knowing the length of this journey is not easy for the people holding you up.
