And, Also
August 10, 2024
A few months shy of my four year long covid anniversary and I continue to marvel at the constant duality ruling my life.
My neurologist explaining my brain damage is most likely at the dendrite level similar to those who’ve suffered a stroke or TBI knocked the wind out of me AND ALSO gave me hope that the because so many suffer #LongCovidMoonshot will help my doctors find solutions.
Being annoyed and disheartened at how many times I got to the point this summer of the girls helping me because I’d lost my ability to walk or talk AND ALSO so blessed to be with them at the lake, on college visits, in the car, or snuggles on the couch and in my bed. They gave me so many sunny days, laughs, tears, joy, and warm hugs.
Watching Brian worn thin being pulled in ten different directions and taking a backseat for my attention breaks my heart AND ALSO makes me more appreciative than ever when we can spend time together walking Doug.
Feeling shame and like I’m the bad thing when my brain short circuits from too much stimulation and fatigue hits causing those close to me cry AND ALSO having a blast laughing, filling up on smiles while knowing deep down sadness is because they truly love me.
Realizing it’s time for a back to school post, I am saddened to still be writing long covid updates AND ALSO thrilled I am saying “back to school.”
My 25th year in education has me heartsick that it’s been four years since I’ve taught in a classroom AND ALSO excited and very thankful to be returning as a math interventionist.
The many pronged approach to recovery keeps expanding and keeps hope alive. Identifying Celiacs and mycotoxin detox has my digestive system in a much better place. Managing inflammation has greatly reduced the everyday headaches, muscle pain, and nerve zaps. Not being focused on constant pain allows my brain to function better, giving me more good hours. Unfortunately, though, it’s not enough to return to work full time. After two years of trying, I’m flabbergasted that I am only able to be in the classroom two hours a day. But throughout this journey, it has been one step at a time. Hopefully keeping my work hours as is will allow me to see Eleanor cheer on Friday nights, go with Liz on college visits, and finally make it to parents weekend at Western Michigan for Caroline. Oh, and I can hope to have something left for Brian.
It’s overwhelming at times to keep on the sunny side of life when I feel like I miss out on so much but thanks to each of you, and friendly reminders from my counselor, I know everything will be alright. I am surrounded by love and never forget…..(even if I can’t make it to see Dead & Co at the Sphere is Vegas)
Once in a while, you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.
